Day 27, well actually day 26, but that makes the other one 27 and um... whatever

So it happened yesterday is what I was trying to say.

Last year, Furball went to something gamey (I forget what), and came back with a Wildstar top for me.  It was awesome, I made it into a girly size and shape, and I loved it.

About 12 months ago I lost it.

I has been gawn forever and I have torn my house apart looking for it.

Look what I found!!!!  So much grinning has occurred!

It doesn't matter where it was found.  Move along now.

Day 26 - The Future

Urk!

So, kids are back at school, teeniest one starts on Thursday.  I'm having to start that whole big girl grown up job hunt thing.

At the same time though, we're trying to make Stray Goddess an actual viable business, and to do that, it needs personality.  This has resulted in us deciding that Stray needs to blog.  She isn't a fan of this, and needs bullying, so I have agreed to do one along side of her about finding a job.

Today's happy though is that she has actually DONE the post.  I didn't expect her to!  

I'm very very impressed and grinning more than I should be :D

oh www.straygoddessclothing.wordpress.com

Day 25 - LARP!

Ok, so it was a couple of days, but it counts as one day's post.  I'm making up the rules here people!

Years ago when the boy child was little and life was different, I had an awesome friend who did LARP (live action role play, go google).  We chatted and I was going to take the kids and go crew for her.  Life got in the way (I think chicken pox??) and I never got there, then life changed and it got forgotten in the chaos.

I then met Furball, and one of our first conversations was about how he did LARP.  I couldn't go to his usual one for various reasons, but last year he bounced at me saying a brand new system (think story/world being created) was starting and that we should go.

I'm still trying to get to grips with the actual role play side of it, but 3 (4?) events in, and I love it.  I get to go away, be in the open, not worry about money, or real life, and just be for a couple of days.

This time was even better as we were camping in a big tent in the trees, so we just stumbled into bed at night, and woke where we needed to be for the rest of the day.

Day 24 - Leaver's Dress!

My baby girl has suddenly grown up without me noticing, and Tuesday night is her Year 6 Leavers' evening.  I may be a smidge emotional about it (far more than I expected actually), and am fully prepared to be a sobbing mess on Tuesday night.

Anyway, Leavers' Evening requires a dress, and the one she wanted to wear is too small.  Plus I kinda wanted to make my baby a dress?

Fabric was chosen, just enough was still in the shop, and all was bought. Thankfully that night when she came home to tell me that a theme had been chosen, the fabric was still fine for "Black and White" and "Formal".

I totally haven't been putting it off.  I've been busy.  And stuff.  I even made a blind.  Totally not procrastinating.  So, this weekend was pretty much deadline time.  Yesterday I sat and created a pattern, and over yesterday and today, I made her dress.

It turned out pretty damn fine in my eyes.  Possibly the most technically successful thing I've made.  The invisible zip is actually invisible, and the ribbon matched when the zip was added! <gasp>

I'm obviously looking at it thinking of tweaks I would make in the future, but that is standard for everything I make.

My little girl started school 7 years ago.  My little girl who struggled with clear speech, who couldn't handle them changing things without warning her, who had to relearn how to write in Yr 2, who experienced parents breaking up and finding new partners, who has broken two arms and had a hefty head injury in 6 months, who struggled to make true friendship bonds... is leaving primary school with results far above both average and what they predicted for her, with a knowledge of words that baffles me, with writing I can read, and with a best friend who she phones for hours every evening.  I'm so incredibly proud of everything she has achieved.

But it isn't just her really.  Over the past 7 years I have gone from assuming that her quirks would be picked up, to finding the strength to believe in myself and fight for her to get the support that she needs (and it is finally paying off), from not having touched a sewing machine in years to creating a dress from scratch and being confident that I could do it - no back up dresses in a wardrobe, barely looking at anyone in the school playground to having people I look forward to seeing daily, learning to raise three children without a partner, and then learning to let a partner close enough to actually help me.  

We've both come a hell of a long way.

P.S.  Strawb has her Leavers Presentation at nursery on Friday... be prepared for more emotion as my smallest one stops being "the baby"

Day 23 - Blind!!!

I've been making ten blinds forever.

They could have been finished months ago but I've sucked for various reasons that don't need discussing.

But today I finished Blind #7!

I'm very happy with how it turned out.

Day 22 - Old Photos!

I found an old SD card with video clips from years ago on it!

Much smiles, and "Don't you look like Auntie Suzie, Mum?!"

Day 21 - Peace

The weekend has been peaceful.   I got to celebrate our anniversary,  and am very aware that I still wait for the bubble to burst, but I'm starting to see it as more of  Glinda bubble that is strong and I have some control over.

Today has been spent sitting lots as it turns out killer heels + cocktails + kerb = many lots painkillers.  B got excited that it meant she could make them lunch,  and they've all played happily together.

For these two days I haven't worried about money, or B and school,  or being tired, or broken bodies. 

Peace has been amazing.

Day 20! 3 Years!

Yes,  it is time for soppy.

Three years ago today things were officially Messy.  Plus I had the hangover from hell.  Being 30, asking my mum to collect me from a random man's flat in a tiny skirt, borrowed t-shirt, and barefoot to take me to collect my children from their father whilst massively hungover... not my classiest hour.

But what came from it has brought me many days of happy.  Not just Furball, but a whole group of friends,  a new family, and a renewed sense of self that I'd forgotten I ever had.

Our first "coupley" photo from before we were actually together - the evening had been spent talking (and totally not kissing anyone else... shhh)

Day 19 is about my babies

Today is two years since Aillidh died.  I could go with "nice" terms like passed away, lost her fight, or anything like that, but it wasn't nice, she didn't "lose" anything, it wasn't down to her if she won, lost, fought... a disease took over her body and nothing she could have done would have changed it.

Yes, I am aware this is a happy days thing.  Today is a bittersweet happy.

I am looking at my babies.  I bounced with Strawb to the shops earlier, I laughed with Dude about a song he was making up as he was singing, I arranged for B's friend to come round on Thursday and am listening to them chatting on the phone now.

I am so incredibly fortunate that I have all of my babies with me and healthy.  Far, far too many people I know have to answer the question of "How many children do you have?" with that feeling of pain because they have more children than the amount people can see.

I'm looking at my children tonight with awe and wonder, holding them tight, treasuring the fact that I can do that, whilst aching for Leigh & Andrew, Tanya, Cat, and all the other families who can't do that.

Wonderful Life

Many lots days missed - Day 18

*hangs head in shame*

I took notes!! I intended to write up all the days but one spiralled into another and I'm now a fortnight down the line. 

I made myself a dress that I love, I got to spend a whole week with just Furball who I think is alright,  I got to play Wildstar which was awesome,  I had a weekend of geeky gamingness which rocked.

Today is the official Day 18 though.

Today was Race for Life.

Far too many people are affected by cancer.   Two years ago I was throwing all I had towards the Goddess to help a girl called Aillidh win against cancer.  She was B's age.  She didn't get to see any more birthdays after they turned 9.  I look at B and her friend who bears a striking similarity to Aillidh,  and I see all that she never got to be.  I hear Call Me Maybe and it's bittersweet.

This time two years ago we had no diagnosis.  Adam was "just" ill, most likely a fixable ulcer.   He had "good" cancer... easily treated as a result of research into treatments.  But we're still feeling the after effects.

Friends have lost parents, partners, children.

So many around me have either died from it or beaten it.

I know that there are millions of charities out there, but cancer is the one to have affected my life the most.  Yes, that may be a selfish view,  but meh.

So last year and this year, Stray and I ran.  We ran/jogged/walked/stumbled 5km to raise money.   We convinced Adam to dress up to raise more money.

Between us we have raised over £1000 in the past 18 months.

I'm stunned by the generosity of our family and friends.   I'm incredibly proud of both of us as we have worked hard to achieve decent times.  I'm proud to call Furball "mine" as he's both dressed as we've asked and provided me with so much support when I've felt like I'll never be able to run again,  or had the children so I could run.

So today's happy is that people give a shit.  Over 3500 running this morning alone in Bournemouth,  the strangers online who prayed for a little girl to live because I asked them to, everyone who donates, buys from charity shops, donates clothing.   The people who care for those affected in hospital,  respite, counsellors...

People generally suck. Today I feel like they don't.

Day 17 was CHICKEN!

Yeah, I'm a little behind again.

But no matter, day 17 was the night when Maz came round and we had chicken. Not just any old chicken, but awesomeness chicken. 

Twas an evening for chatting and laughter and much much food.  One of those just catch up and talk nights.  We used to watch crap horror films whilst chatting, but we seem to not get round to that any more.  This isn't a bad thing!

I don't have a picture!!!  Ooh maybe a chicken one...

Day 16... Keep on running....

Today.... I ran!  By run I mean a run/stumble/walk combo that takes me some distance.

I'm halfway through the Zombies Run 5km training app, which plays your music,  tells you a zombie survival story, and increases stamina gradually.   We'll overlook the fact that I am halfway through an eight week programme that I started over a year ago, and focus on me getting a stupid grin when Sam mocked my knee lifts.   Yes, that is someone in the story.   Yes, I possibly need psychiatric help.

I didn't do as much as the last session,  but it is the first one in a month, I don't feel like I used a week's worth of spoons, and I still finished the whole mission and did over 5km.

Oh, the pic shows reality vs being in app mode!

Ooh ooh and sponsor us!!!  Doing Race For Life in three weeks with Stray (even if I have to use an entire weekend's spoons), Furball will wear a pink tutu... donate!   Cancer really needs to fck off.

Day 15 - Sewing Mojo Back!

The blinds are an ongoing saga, I have many to make, and combined with my lack of spoons lately, it has been a struggle to even consider them let alone actually make them.  That in turn leads to many lots guilt over still not having finished them, and a house having big open windows because of me.

Yesterday, I woke up and I actually felt "normal".  Soooo, we made the table biggererer so that I had space, and I actually attacked the blinds.

By the time I reached the IhavetostopbeforeIstartgoingwrong stage last night, I only had about 2 hours left to do before it would be completed.

Today, I got to finish it, but the actually having the energy to do it was yesterday's happy.

I did discover that I screwed up though and it goes wonky halfway down. *wail* 

Day 14 - First fortnight is over!

I'm a few days behind, I know, but, I have an excuse!!!  Actually I don't have any excuse, I have just been doing stuff or sleeping pretty much.

Monday's happy can be games night.  Most Mondays, a collection of geeks (what's the collective term for geeks?  Someone let me know!) gather at my house to play various different games, the games change dependent on the amount of us who can actually make it.  

This Monday was only a couple of us, so we played Zombie Dice, Elder Signs, and the island sinking one that I've forgotten the name of.

Just general happy, relaxed times with friends.

Day 13 is a day of snuggles

Today was B's birthday tea party at Gran's house.

I picked up my babies, plus the bonus child (Ayla - B's best friend from school), and headed to Gran's.  The big ones disappeared first to find another friend, then to play monopoly, so I snuggled up on the sofa with Strawb to watch Stardust.  It was the first time she'd seen it and we got halfway through when she announced "It's a lovely film!"

There's always so much to do, that I very rarely just stop and curl up under a blanket with any of them like that.  I got to just stop, and cuddle my baby girl.

When we got close to tea time, Dude lost the game of monopoly (he still struggles a lot with losing games, really must play more with him again), and he came and curled up in the lounge too.  From then on he was against leaving my side, snuggled in with me after food to watch some of Hocus Pocus, didn't even tell me off for joining in with the singing and other random lines!

I accept by Friday that I will be totally ready for school to go back, but today I am enjoying my babies and looking forward to the week off with them.

Due to the length of time since we last curled up together... v old pic!

Day 12 in which Smudge and I see a boy/man's arse crack

Ok, so it's possible that not everyone sees that as a positive?

Actually arse crack guy no-one would see as a positive.  Seriously, he had a belt on his jeans specifically to keep them halfway down it?!?!?!  How is that good???  Yes I sound old but I don't care.

TL:DR version of who Smudge is - worked with him before/during pregnancy with B, lost him for about a decade, got him back last year and now he appears with vodka every so often.

We decided that as Furball was going away, he would come keep me company and we would go play pool as it was something we used to do, and hadn't done in forever.  Furball ended up not going away, but we figured the pool outing would happen anyway, and we'd get the bonus fun of drinking with him either side of playing.  Win/Win!  (Is that how that should be written?  Win, win... win - win....?)

So, I forced myself, forced I tell you, to stay in bed for most of Saturday in the attempt of having enough energy to go out.  Go out we did!

We went, we had drinks, laughs, played pool together, played with the random 17yr old who wanted us to play doubles with him and some other bloke (and probably didn't expect to lose 2:1), and generally relaxed.  There was no deep and meaningful bonding.  Just a laugh and a break.  Then we got back, I broke a little, they carried on drinking and laughing lots.  It was really good to hear how happy they both sounded even if I didn't have the energy to join in.

So yeah, Day 12 happy would be the Smudge visit.

Photo can be an old one of the two of them together.

Day 11 - Spoons, Golden Tickets, and Smiles for all!

Today is a Good Day. To the extent that I can't come up with one happy thing.

I am laying on clean, fresh, bedding after having an amazing hot shower that I have been looking forward to for days.  I have had a non-stop day but still feel like I have spoons to spare.   I don't remember the last time I had that feeling.

I'm listening to a man playing happily with his friends,  even if it's not where he wanted to be.

My biggest baby turned 11, got accepted to Hogwarts (although B being B focused on the head teacher and Minister of Magic being wrong as it is based on book one....), and is absolutely delighted with her laptop.   Scraping together the funds was totally worth it.

Gran spent her energy setting up a present opening session and has agreed to host birthday tea on Sunday. 

I have amazing friends - Shoo and Janet both helped with Strawb during hospital appointment and then extra time after which meant I could work a couple of hours too.

The Dude finally got a Golden Ticket.   School have behaviour levels.   Level One is low level git.  Level Two is moving into proper git territory.  Level Three is proper little shite.  Dude generally hovers around the level one mark.  He's not a necessarily "naughty" child in the traditional sense,  but he's definitely a handful at times, he tends not to start fights but is happy to finish them,  he won't mess about as much in class but will just refuse to work etc...  To get the Golden Ticket which provides a treat (I think this is the third half term they've been running now), you can't have hit level two,  or been consistently level one.   It is a way to actually reward those who are no trouble so end up being overlooked (like B), and an incentive to the others.   FINALLY Dude managed to be a low level git little enough during the half term to get a ticket!   He is absolutely delighted especially as we all assumed he'd not get one.   Praise be to short half terms so less time there to behave in!

That, plus he handled B getting the laptop really well,  has made me incredibly proud and happy today.

Finally.... New co-op opened by Furball.  It's shiny and big and new and made me smile so deserves a place on the list.   However pathetic that may be.  So there.

Day 10, last of the 10s....

No real need to "decide" the happy today.

I have just spent the last hour with B sat on my bed chatting whilst I tied rags into her hair so it is curly in the morning.  I always find it odd seeing her with curls, but they make a nice matching set then *wink*

Anyway, it has made me smile lots.  It hasn't been an easy 11 years, she's had a lot to live through, and we've had to learn a lot to help her live in the easiest way possible, but even if I do say so myself, I seem to have managed to drag her up pretty good.  She was the guinea pig, with her we had to learn together how to be a mum/daughter as well as her mum, with the others I already had the first steps so it was learning to tweak it to be the mum that they individually need too.

That won't stop me screaming in frustration tomorrow morning when she has lost her shoe, or the cereal is in the wrong bowl, but that's just part of the mix.

My baby's last photo as a 10 year old.

Day 9, sponsored by codeine

Head is still very hurty, so today has been a bit fuzzy.   But Friday is B's birthday and I had a gazillion things to do for it to happen,  so I had to man up, take many painkillers,  and float my way through the jobs.

But it was all finally done.

Anyway,  happy!  Today my happy was Kirsty.  I saw her for the first time in forever (I finally understand, for the first time in forever, we can fix this hand in hand,  we can head down this mountain togeth.... uh... sorry).  Kirsty rocks,  but we have phases where we sort of drift apart and spend ages apart, then finally get back together again.

Anyway,  I got to see Kirsty so woohoo!

The photo is an old one, but twas a great night!

A new week began with Day 8 (as numbers moving in 7s generally do)

Day 8 I had initially expected to go one of two ways, either the song Scar Tissue (yeah yeah, cryptic but I didn't care had it been relevant), or a gushing one about how amazing my friends and family are as they rallied round to help with children when I needed them.

But... Tuesday evening I got hit with a hideous migraine and could barely stay upright by 7pm.   B was my happy.  She is going to be 11 on Friday and is the terrifying beautiful mix of preteen hormones where she's a monster one moment and a loving wise girl the next.  She's growing into her mind and quirks and becoming much more settled into her personality.  

Anyway,  migraine hit and, full arm cast n all, she took over.  She got Strawb into pjs, read her a story,  put her to bed, waited in the lounge so she would hear the door knock when Emrys got home and wake me, put the two of them to bed, then realised the cats and me hadn't eaten so fed both them and me.

I feel bad that she had to take over but at the same time so, so happy and proud that she could and would wilingly do it.